traits so rarely found but when they grace your path, hold them close and know you are rich with friendship….
“friendship is the comfort, the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person having neither to weigh thoughts or measure words, but pouring all right out just as they are, chaff and grain together, certain that a faithful friendly hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, with a breath of comfort, blow the rest away.”
Dinah Maria Mulock Craik 1866
August is making a wet and cold exit here in Washington and I’m just going to say it….see ya! I’m sure by next May I’ll be craving sunshine and heat but I am truly a woman of the earth and I crave each season as much as a rose needs sun to bloom. This summer was hugely disappointing in the garden and offered poor results for harvesting so for me, I’m ready. Ready to indulge myself in big down comforters, long sleeves and pots of thick, bubbling stews and soups. ready.
We’re packing up the truck tomorrow, full of the girl’s furniture and belongings from her bedroom and moving it north to fill her new apartment. Nothing plunges me into reality faster than seeing the permanent changes of my children. They are incredible people, really great kids who I love hanging out with and being around so excuse me while I cry over the permanency of this move. We’ll meet the kids in Bellingham, help move her into her new place and see the boy’s apartment too. He has a birthday next week so we’ll take the kids to dinner to celebrate since we won’t be with him later. K and I aren’t on a schedule other than he has to be back for work Tuesday, so who knows….we may take the ferry to Friday Harbor or stay in Seattle on the way back. I want to want to explore the roads but I am not a good road trip traveler but I’m giving it my all since it’s my family on the other end.
On another note….I am disgusted to say that I know what those women were talking about when I was young and I’d hear them say they felt like they were losing their minds. I feel like I’m losing mine. And the anxiety, oh god the anxiety…..pre-menopause baby. sucks. And throw in the overwhelming sadness that hit me today with the two empty rooms upstairs and my path is looking blurry. I kind of don’t care either. So what if I feel like I’m hanging upside down. Embracing where I am in this vast universe and slowing my mind down…..
The temperature dropped from 92 to high 60′s and I knew it was time to get some of the tasks checked off the list before the rains come for good. The garage is half covered in ivy but the front end still has enough siding exposed and it was looking grimey, as was that same end of the house. Mud splashed stains and dog hair and looking neglected… so I grabbed my paint brush, paint and ladder and before I knew it the day was half over and I was on to painting the fence. It feels good to get some of this done and off the list!
Then it was back inside at 3 to put together dinner and dessert. My guy had a very important international certification audit for the company and I wanted everything ready for when he rolled in….grilled fish tacos, cole slaw and cherry claufotis….a good summer celebration meal. All went well and now he can sleep.
I have some beautiful Rowan tweed yarn that I knitted into a sweater a few years ago. Sadly, it was the wrong yarn for the pattern and it never looked right and just fit wrong. It’s like sewing a garment, if you use the wrong fabric then the garment won’t fit nicely. But there is a lot of good yarn going to waste and I’ve been thinking about dragging it out of the box in the basement and unraveling it. And so I did just that today as I waited 5 hours for the gas man to come.
It will make a handsome solstice gift for Kevin….I’m thinking a vest, similar to one I made for him last year. It may be August but I’ve got visions of sugarplums already in my head and they are dancing!
I’ve been hearing myself lately, whether I”m reacting to what someone has said to me or about to say something directly and it’s all coming out like a jumbled, hyperactive mess. My words don’t make sense and they surely don’t connect to form a functioning sentence. My first thought(surprised aren’t you) was I was having a stroke but after I was still upright and not on the floor dying and able to raise my hands above my head(a sure way to tell that you are not having a stroke), I chucked it aside and went on my way. I mentioned it to my naturopath, who kindly told me it was a pre-menopausal “thang”, nice. But what’s a girl to do other than roll with it, ya know?
I read an interview between the NY Times and Laura Linney recently and they asked her what she thought about aging, as an actress and as a woman and what she thought about plastic surgery. Her answer was classic Laura Linney, graceful and honest. She said why would she try and reverse aging, to stop what she feels is a beautiful gift. And then the golden nugget she handed them………”it’s a privilege to grow old”. I know, powerful isn’t it?
…..and what an incredible privilege it is to walk this earth and hang in the universe with all of you and grow old along the path. Whatever aging brings me, I am thankful because there is nothing better than living.
Somehow last fall I forgot to plant garlic and was so bummed this spring when I had zero garlic scapes to sautee in olive oil……….and here it is August and what have I forgotten to order? Yep, that’s right. My usual farm is sold out so the hunt is on.
The kid scored Bumbershoot tickets and will be rockin to Dylan. It’s a great time in his life but damn, I’m close to saying, hey mister, mind if your mama zips up her boots and tags along! just sayin….
And speaking of the kid, yesterday he called asking about meal planning and grocery budgeting and it was one of those moments of feeling connected with him. Those are golden moments, when kids are away at school and living far from home and not hearing from them as often as we used to, that affirm the years together at home. I love those conversations.
Sleep has eluded me this summer. First time ever that I’ve had a sleeping problem and I’m taking it as a personal hit to my disappearing youth, which is ridiculous because approaching 44 does not scream youth but these are not our mother’s 40″s. I see so many fabulous looking women 50+ who are healthy and fit so what’s a chic gotta do to get motivated? I’ve had the unopened dvd of 30 day shred on my shelf for two months now, maybe three. Goal for this week-move my ass to the shred.
Last week I had a small but significant milestone during acupuncture……..I fell asleep! Many people fall asleep during treatment, my guy does, but I’m too anxious in past years to relax but this time has been different. The first treatment was good, last week was great and with this pace of release I just may find my zen.
I think this is what they call writers block….words all up in my head and I can’t get them to paper. There’s a lot of them but they’re jammed and clogging my head.
Puttered around the garden and found these growing amongst the weeds. I kinda lost my garden mojo when the weather went upside down and there’s a lot of weeds out there and I didn’t see the tops growing. I remember sprinkling the seeds and then never thinned them because I thought why bother, so they’re small but god are they good and sweet. …the original baby carrot.
Tonight we were out on the back porch and Kevin said, do you smell that? Smell what? Fall! And he’s right, it does smell like fall is coming. The nights are cooling down and the sun is setting earlier…the shift has gone and shifted us right out of summer.
I had serious plans to take myself to the movies today but I knew if I went I’d end up eating the whole tub of popcorn and after not eating breakfast and pushing my body into a hypoglycemic feeling, I nixed the idea. Instead, I went for fresh made sushi, full of protein which made me feel so much better and then went to the used bookstore. Found some Kafka and other reads for K and on my way home stopped for an organic bean latte-oh emm gee good!!
still blocked but this helps….
My oldest was born on this day, 23yrs ago. I just deleted a long ass post because it had nothing good in it but today, sucked out loud.
……I’m off to look for a little perspective
What I’m reading…..
Celtic Oracles-filled with great stuff of the alternative persuasion
The Witch of Portobello-sometimes I want a story to scoop me away and this is doing nicely
The Herb Book-always learning more and starting to think about the cold/flu season that will be here soon
Knitting Rules!-this book is awesome! I’ve been looking for a technique to reinforce a sock heel and this book is spot on. Easy to understand and to the point. This is a library book but I’m definitely buying a copy.
The Bell Jar-because that’s the mood I’m in….says a lot don’t ya think?
I had acupuncture today, first treatment in over a year. Kevin’s been going for weekly treatments for the neuropathy in his feet caused by chemo so I’ve put off going but it’s time. I’m hypothyroid, have been since I was 14 and my dear friend and acupuncturist told me it was directly related to kidney and after talking with her more about my other symptoms it seems they’re all directly related to kidney. It all makes sense too. I’m not having any kidney trouble, not at all but this is eastern medicine philosophy and I’m going to roll with it because western md’s have done nothing for me in 30yrs for my thyroid other than tell me my levels are within normal range and wouldn’t adjust my dose. So buh bye md….hello fabulous naturopath who just happens to be a brilliant pharmaceutical watchdog in DC, when she’s not treating me in the other Washington. Between the acupunturist and naturopath I’m feeling, should I say it out loud?, optimistic. Ok, I said it and the house didn’t fall on top of me so that’s progress.
goodness me, excuse that prior meltdown and revealing far too much…..
……a few nuggets of magic that help bring the good front and center
Somewhere recently I saw a quote that went something like this…“fear can not reside in a place of love so when the fear comes, find a place of love and enter in”……….cool eh? And so, I’ll be schlepping around here mumbling those words to myself, probably a lot.
Ray Lamontagne’s “Let It Be Me” slows my mind and heartbeat….I love it so.
This guy who lays next to me every night and comes home to me each day….he’s mr. incredible and I hold him closer than anyone….my guy, my life.
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